shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
