Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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