I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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