I think I am morally bankrupt
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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