like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
