all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
