so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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