Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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