Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
