Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
