The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
