***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he thought i was a dude.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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