i can't believe i had my finger in that
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize