So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
