1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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