Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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