on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
