Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
