I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
