you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
