I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
