tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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