Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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