If i come over, it means nothing
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
