is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
