I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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