I hate all girls vehemently.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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