I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
