gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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