Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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