The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
