Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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