So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
