You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Redeem this text for a blowjob
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
