My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
