rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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