Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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