Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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