remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
