So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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