I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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