I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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