Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize