you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
