Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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