i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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