The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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