I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
