i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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