I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
