do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
