She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
