dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
