you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize