We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We are two peas in an std pod
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
