Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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