the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
