I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
