that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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