We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
