I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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