If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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