What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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