I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
