Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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