So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize