My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
