I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
