I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
