i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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