He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize