I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
