Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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