Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
