i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
