Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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