At least make sure they are 18
Why
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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