We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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