if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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