from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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