just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize