I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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