I looked at my own cervix.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Randomize
