Kiss
Puke
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
