ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
