kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
