Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
