You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
