i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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