Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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