1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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