I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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