So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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