Kiss
Puke
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
there is glitter all over my balls
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