I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
