I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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