Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i believe in u and ur pee
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