what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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