Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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