dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
